The Sideline Observer

Sports and Culture Commentary

Two Pals and Their Nukes

In an effort to remedy one of the greatest political and nuclear tensions between two countries over the 21st century, President Trump and Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Un are set to meet in the coming week; the very first meeting between an American President and a North Korean Supreme Leader is almost underway.

And yes, Trump is the best we can offer.

Sidekicked with ex-power forward Dennis Rodman, Trump says he is “very well prepared,” but also, “[doesn’t] think I have to prepare very much. It’s all about attitude. It’s about willingness to get things done.”

Quite the attitude; the same kind of moxy and mentality that a kid has when they “give it their all” in a rec basketball game and loses 64-12, only to then be coddled by parents who say the child at least “tried their hardest.” Fast forward ten minutes to the kid inhaling freeze pops on the car ride back as if nothing ever happened.

Seriously though, our President is hoping to resolve hostile relationships between the two countries with his own nonexistent willpower.

But don’t worry, former White House adviser homeland security and counterterrorism Tom Bossert, said Trump believes “he’ll figure this out in the first few minutes.” That is the same amount of time it takes him to scope out the McDonald’s menu and eventually decide on his favorite: two Big Macs, two Filet-O-Fishes, and a large chocolate milkshake with double whipped cream.

For “Little Rocket Man” Kim Jong-Un, this is the furthest the 34-year old has been from North Korea during his reign. The poor kid must feel homesick without his North Korean Friends rip off: Our Neighbors. The show itself is very similar to Friends, as it follows the stories of a group of Korean pals who share fun experiences with one another. Such as watching one of many Korean missile launches.

At least the Dark Overlord Supreme Leader from Planet Pyongyang will have his little foot soldiers jogging ever-so smoothly by his convoy. Running in suits by Un’s car is no small task even for these petite bodyguards. They have to be the same height as their fearless leader standing at a staunch and stern five foot seven – in shoes.

Already taking his victory lap for his foreseeable diplomatic victory, Trump was noted to be celebrating his birthday three whole days early. If blowing out the candles and making a birthday wish doesn’t make someone amped to negotiate one of the most important political and nuclear deals of the century, I don’t know what will.

-Mason

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