So… There’s a lot going on in the world, as many of you probably know. And as much as I’d love to write about acts of war, impeachment, and the incineration of much of an island continent, something else came up that I feel deserves a tiddly bit of attention.
On the third day of our fresh new decade, our old pal, Justin Bieber, released his first solo single in a while, “Yummy.” For the last few years, the Biebs has mostly been focused on working and collaborating with other artists, such as Ed Sheeran in his single “I Don’t Care” or Billie Eilish in a remix of “bad guy.” While I personally didn’t fawn over Justin’s role in these collabs due to his boring, white bread-esque performance, I did, however, enjoy a few of his singles from his 2015 album, “Purpose.” While not perfect, Bieber’s strong vocal presence in these early productions was highlighted by extremely engaging and catchy instrumentals as well as production tracks that were mainstream enough for radio play but rarely drifted into boring.
So, new decade, new Bieber single. It’s safe to say I could not tell you the last time I’ve been this angry at a song. “Yummy” contains some of the laziest lyric writing I’ve seen in a very long time. I did the math, and out of the 425 words in the song, 55 of them are either the word “yummy” or “yum”. That’s about 10% of the ENTIRE song. You read that correctly.
Not only is the chorus aggravatingly repetitive, but the rest of the verses are littered with cliché lines we’ve been hearing in our pop music for years now. Take a look:
“Fifty-fifty, love the way you split it
Hundred racks, help me spend it, babe
Light a match, get litty, babe
That jet set, watch the sunset kinda, yeah, yeah
Rollin’ eyes back in my head, make my toes curl, yeah, yeah”
“Hop in the Lambo’, I’m on my way
Drew House slippers on with a smile on my face
I’m elated that you are my lady
You got the yum, yum, yum, yum
You got the yum, yum-yum, woah
Okay. So lightly put, the lyrics suck. But so much of pop music is about beats and instrumentals, so how are those in this song? Boring. So so so so boring. Yummy gives off a beat that sounds like virtually any uninspired beat coming from my frat house speaker system, a bassline that sounds like the producer fell asleep at the mixing board, and a melody line so forgettable I’m not even certain that there is one.
Bieber has been in the music industry for over ten years now, and how he thought this single was the one to kick off the new decade is beyond comprehension. As a fan of his work from five years ago, I honestly hope this single is not reflective of the music of the ‘20s. Otherwise, we’ve got a long road ahead of us this decade. Thanks for the warm welcome, Biebs.